Let's use whatever we can!

My name is Koda, and I experienced caring for my mother when I was 38 years old.

I had often heard that "caregiving is tough," but experiencing it firsthand was beyond imagination. My mother suffered from dementia, so she would wander day and night, and I had to wake up and attend to her each time. This continued for about three years.

Seeing my mother weaken day by day and myself becoming exhausted, my husband suggested putting her in a facility. However, I was reluctant to do so and immediately replied, "It's okay! I'll do it!" As a result, I continued caregiving until my mother passed away. Being physically and mentally exhausted, I also lashed out at my son and was constantly filled with the feeling of "I want to quit."

Looking back now, I've come to think that if I hadn't been so stubborn and had put her in a facility, my mother might have lived a happy life. My knowledge of caregiving systems and products was also shallow, and I was simply bound by the fixed idea that "children should take care of their parents." I now regret that this ultimately caused trouble for my family, including my mother.

I also feel ashamed that I glorified "myself working hard" while being constrained by inefficiency, prejudice, and social appearances. I don't want any of you to make the same mistakes I did. Please consult care managers and experts to find a lifestyle that minimizes the burden on both the caregiver and the care recipient.

I wish all future caregivers the very best.